Hilarious Alibis In The Answer Scripts

By Sumit Paul, New Age Islam 4 August 2025 The Tribune, Chandigarh, Carried A Shorter Version Of This Middle On August 4. ----- "Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer. " Charles Caleb Colton As a teacher of Urdu and Persian, I regularly get answer scripts of students to evaluate and award grades. While assessing answer scripts could be a boring and thankless task to most of the teachers, to me, it's still pretty interesting because I love the languages and also feel amused to read the hilarious excuses and requests written by students. In every set of answer scripts, there are at least five to six students whose performance is below par but their excuses for not doing well can make anyone laugh. Over the years, I've made a list of excuses students resort to. The commonest is: Janaab/ Janaaba, Nihayat Ghareeb Taalib-E-Ilm Hoon. Badi Mushkil Se Zindagi Basar Hoti Hai. Naukari Kar Ke Padhai Karta / Karti Hoon. Waqt Nahin Mila, Isliye Padhai Nahin Ho Payee. Khuda Ke Liye, Fail Mat Keejiye. Zindagi Tabaah Ho Jayegi...( Sir / Ma'am, I'm a very poor student. I do some odd job and study. I didn't get time. So, couldn't study. For heaven's sake, please don't fail me). This has been a stock and threadbare excuse for years and as a teacher, I know that the student is lying. I make it a point never to fail a student. But then, there're indeed academically very weak students who just don't write anything worthwhile in their answer scripts. Instead, they fill them with excuses and even film songs and stories! When it comes to introducing film songs and stories to blacken the answer scripts, once I got to evaluate a copy that was full of anecdotes from old films. It was written in chaste Urdu without any errors in syntax or orthography. I wondered when this examinee had such a command of written Urdu, why didn't he/she study properly? The examinee would have got very high marks had s/he chosen to write something relevant and related to the question paper. Needless to say, I had to fail that student with a heavy heart. I once checked an answer script in which the examinee wrote a Quranic verse with every answer. While the examinee's Urdu was tolerably good, his/her Arabic was flawed as the Quranic verses were jumbled up and there were spelling errors galore. The icing on the cake was the student's 'prophecy', obviously to impress the examiner: Ise Ilhaam Samajhiye Ya Basharat, Aap Ko Zindagi Mein Bahut Kaamyaabi Milne Wali Hai (Call it a divine inspiration or glad tidings, you'll achieve great success in life). Unimpressed by his Peshangoi, I awarded just passing marks to the examinee. While assessing an answer script in Persian, I found that the examinee wrote her paper in Urdu! Moreover, the student had the audacity to write that, "Meri Farsi Zara Kamzor Hai Isliye Main Jawaab Urdu Mein De Rahi Hoon" (Since my Persian was a trifle poor, I'm writing my answers in Urdu). I wanted to write, "Aap Ki Farsi Zara Nahin Bilkul Kharaab Hai. Aap Ko Zabaan Hi Nahin Aati Hai" (Your Farsi is not tad but totally bad; it's atrocious. You just don't know Persian). When she knew nothing of Persian, why on earth did she choose Persian in the first place? Here, I must add that many students of Persian language and literature write their answers in Urdu just the way, students opting for Sanskrit write their answers in Hindi and they clear the exams as well. I even got currencies tucked inside the answer scripts as means to bribe the examiners. Since all boards and varsities in India have warned the students not to tuck in currencies or else they'll be rusticated forever, students write innovative excuses to get marks and ingratiate with the examiners whom they've never seen or met. Recently, while checking the answer scripts, I stumbled upon an excuse, obviously from a girl student. She wrote, "Imtihan Se Theek Pahle Mujhe Yarqaan Hua Aur Maheene Bhar Pahle Abba Bhi Guzar Gaye. Iss Soorat Mein Meri Padhai Nahin Ho Payee. Jald Hi Meri Shadi Hai. Fail Hui Toh Ladka Mujhe Qubool Nahin Karega" (I had jaundice just before the exams. My father also passed away a month ago. So, I couldn't study. Moreover, I'm getting married erelong. If I fail, the boy will reject me). Despite knowing that it was a fib, I tried to award her passing marks. But that girl fared very badly. All her answers were incorrect and fraught with orthographic errors. At times, it becomes a challenge for the examiners to give passing marks to a few students. Mind you, not all teachers and examiners are sadists and too strict. They genuinely want to pass all students but students should also write something worthwhile that can get them passing marks. Recently, a student wrote that she'd commit suicide if she didn't get passing marks. In spite of knowing that it was a lie, I tried my level best to give her passing marks to save her from committing suicide! I didn't want to be morally responsible for such a drastic step that she could take, in case she failed. Many moons ago, an examinee wrote that, "Aap Ne Mujhe Fail Kiya Toh Aap Ke Saath Kuchh Bahut Bura Hoga" (Something untoward will happen to you if you dare fail me). I failed that student with a tinge of sadness. Fortunately, nothing untoward happened to me! There're all types of students. In my long career of teaching and evaluating, I've come across exceptionally good answer scripts and also correspondingly awful copies. Lastly, I also got requests from very good students. Years ago, a student wrote in his answer script, "Mujhe Yaqeen Hai Ki Maine Bahut Acchha Likha Hai, Lekin Mujhe 80 Feesdi Chahiye Kyonki Aage Mujhe Mudarris-E-Urdu Ban-Na Hai" ( I know, I've written pretty well but I want 80 percent as I want to become a teacher of Urdu). I was bowled over by his performance as well as confidence in his abilities. I indeed awarded 85 marks out of 100. Never have I awarded so liberally in my whole life. But then, there are exceptions like that student who requested for higher marks to serve Urdu as a teacher of the language. How could I be stingy and strict with such a brilliant and confident student? ----- A regular columnist for New Age Islam, Sumit Paul is a researcher in comparative religions, with special reference to Islam. He has contributed articles to the world's premier publications in several languages including Persian. URL: https://www.newageislam.com/spiritual-meditations/hilarious-alibis-answer/d/136391 New Age Islam, Islam Online, Islamic Website, African Muslim News, Arab World News, South Asia News, Indian Muslim News, World Muslim News, Women in Islam, Islamic Feminism, Arab Women, Women In Arab, Islamophobia in America, Muslim Women in West, Islam Women and Feminism